n a t b s

deux

Andrew — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 03:40:58 +0000

Andrew now has a women in his life that he cares deeply for. This does not jive well with hating society. Oh sure, she hates society too. And it helps. It’s part of the reason he loves her. But for a slave, falling in love can be a liability. It is a weakness to be exploited. If he has children with her, they too are weaknesses. Society has perverted these things into chains to make you further enslaved. So Andrew was torn, he was afraid to be with her. But she also provided him with real happiness, and joy. No, he won’t leave her, but he is terrified he’s going to lose her in some horrible way. Andrew was in a tough spot. Beyond that, his depression was catching up to him, mood swings and panic attacks were becoming the norm. Something needs to change. Perhaps he’d get more involved with the Occupy Wall St. movement. They seem to be fertile ground for change. It was, as always, a very interesting time to be alive. At least he had that. But what’s going to happen at the end of this year?

Cool New Site for Siri Fans

Andrew — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 20:09:35 +0000

Found this cool new site it’s called Stuff You Can Say to Siri. Long title I know but it has a lot of examples of things you can do with siri.

One Year Later

Andrew — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 20:19:41 +0000

Just happened to check on this thing exactly one year since my last post. Andrew is still going crazy. A lot of things are good in his life but all the fundamental problems still exist. Of course they do. They’re too deeply ingrained into all of history to simply disappear. And if they did, this blog would no longer exist. As long as I’m able to write this virtual thing in this virtual world on plastic keys, the problem persists. Did I just switch from 3rd to first person?

Yes.

The problem still persists. I’m more sure than ever that there is a problem and I’m not just crazy. But still, it persists.

I feel tingly right now.

The problem persists.

When things have been wrong your entire life, and your parents’ entire life, and their parents’ entire life, and their parent’s entire life etc. What do you do? It’s a monumental accomplishment just to realize things are wrong. And once you do, it’s even more monumental to convince others. And it’s even more difficult to change it.

It’ll probably just have to collapse on it’s own, and when it does, I’ll be ready.

The Secret

Andrew — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 18:00:29 +0000

Andrew was depressed. He knew something that few others did. Certainly he wasn’t arrogant enough to think he was the only one who had figured it out, but he was part of a select group that had. Oh sure, most people knew it on some level, hence the proliferation of anti-depressents and all forms of self-medication. Hence centuries of art and metaphor, hence the obviousness of it in the bible, and the book ishmael, and the show Battlestar Galactica, and the book land of the spotted eagle, and the book 1984, and etc etc etc. Most high art makes some allusion to it. People knew, but it was too big to admit. Perhaps he was just brave enough to admit it to himself, or stupid enough. What good was this knowledge? There’s very little you can do with it except be sad. Indeed, he was sad and he knew that there was no remedy, for the cause of his sadness was far too massive, far to unchangeable for one mere man to do anything about it. It would take an act of God to relieve his pain. And unfortunately for Andrew, God sure likes to take his sweet time.
The secret that was driving Andrew, and all of humanity, slowly mad was that he was a slave. That we are all slaves. Slaves to our own hubris, slaves to the idea that we know what to do and how to live and how to run things. Slaves to this great responsibility that we were never given but took for ourselves. Forced to work as hard as possible at destroying our own home, a precious gift from the universe that took billions of years to form, and we are wiping it out very quickly. So quickly in fact that Andrew wonders if it’s not already damaged beyond repair. Even if it isn’t it’s damaged far to much for him to enjoy it in his fleeting lifetime and this is what was depressing him. Yes, he was a slave, and so was everyone else. The master? Our hubris and greed and nothing more. Oh the irony, the painful, gut-wrenching irony. If it weren’t so sad it would be funny. Hell, it’s kinda funny anyway. Look at the fools, all convinced to death of their freedom yet all suffering from psychological problems that we cannot pinpoint, because a doctor will never tell you that you’re depressed because society is flawed. Why are we so self-destrutive and impudent and stupid? Andrew could thing of no good way to change the world so he thought he’d at least try to find out the answer to that question, perhaps that would help him determine a course of action…or at least understand the situation, just for understanding’s sake. If he could just undermine it even in the littlest way possible, that would ease the pain. Yes, had to find a way to undermine it, or risk losing his mind entirely.

Got A Job

Andrew — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:25:17 +0000

Got a job, the stress makes me sick. Want to get hit by a car, at least then I’ll enter a situation where people will help me just for being a human being in distress. But no not really! I need insurance. This is insanity, how did we get here?

blah

Andrew — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 18:35:33 +0000

Life Is Good

Andrew — Mon, 29 Mar 2010 20:22:44 +0000

That’s all

I Don’t Know

Andrew — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 18:05:20 +0000

What to do when the whole world is crazy?

When “sanity” is anything but sane?

When you realize you’re hopelessly trapped?

When your mother is dying and your soul has been stolen?

What to do?

Land of the Spotted Eagle VII

Andrew — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:28:14 +0000

The Indian was a natural conservationist. He destroyed nothing, great or small. Destruction was not a part of Indian thought and action; if it had been, and had the man been the ruthless savage he has been acredited with being, he would have long ago preceded the European in the labor of destroying the natural life of this continent. The Indian was frugal in the midst of plenty. When the buffalo roamed the plains in the multitudes he slaughtered only what he could eat and these he used to the hair and bones. …

I know of no species of plant, bird, or animal that were exterminated until the coming of the white man. For some years after the buffalo disappeared there still remained huge herds of antelope, but the hunter’s work was no sooner done in the destruction of the buffalo than his attention was attracted toward the deer. They are plentiful now only where protected. The white man considered natural animal life just as he did the natural man life upon this continent, as ‘pests.’ Plants which the Indian found beneficial were also ‘pests.’ There is no word in the Lakota vocabulary with the English meaning of this word.

There was a great difference in the attitude taken by the Indian and the Caucasian toward nature, and this difference made of one a conservationist and of the other a non-conservationist of life. The Indian, as well as all other creatures that were given birth and grew, were sustained by the common mother — earth. He was therefore kin to all living things and he gave to all creatures equal rights with himself. Everything of earth was loved and reverenced. The philosophy of the Caucasian was, ‘Things of the earth, earthy’ — to be belittled and despised. Bestowing upon himself the position and title of a superior creature, others in the scheme were,in the natural order of things, of inferior position and title; and this attitude dominated his actions toward all things. The worth and right to live were his, thus he heartlessly destroyed. Forests were mowed down, the buffalo exterminated, the beaver driven to extinction and his wonderfully constructed dams dynamited, allowing flood waters to wreak further havoc, and the very birds of the air silenced. Great grassy plains that sweetened the air have been upturned; springs, streams, and lakes that have lived longer ago than my boyhood have dried, and a whole people harassed to degradation and death. The white man has come to be the symbol of extinction for all things natural to this continent. Between him and the animal there is no rapport and they have learned to flee from his approach, for they cannot live on the same ground.

Land of the Spotted Eagle VI

Andrew — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 17:12:47 +0000

The Lakota was a man of humility, never forgetting his insignificance in the sight of Wakan Tanka. He was humble without cringing, and meek without loss of spirit. He always faced the Powers in prayer; he never groveled on the earth, but with face lifted to the sky spoke straight to his Mystery. There was no holier than himself whom he might importune to speak for him. The Great Mystery was here, there, and everywhere, and the Lakota had but to lift his voice and it would be heard.

-Luther Standing Bear