n a t b s

What to do when the whole world is crazy?

When “sanity” is anything but sane?

When you realize you’re hopelessly trapped?

When your mother is dying and your soul has been stolen?

What to do?

When you think about it, society is really a machine that uses us.  I’m not sure who invented it or who controls it (no one?), but we are mere cogs in this giant machine.  And the reason we don’t respect human rights is because all we care about is the machine.  If it says that these 300 people need to be fired, they get fired. It doesn’t matter what it does to their lives because the interest of the machine is what’s most important.

I guess it is run by people.  Let me clarify that, it’s run by a few people.  Several thousand at most.  And I think the point of the machine is to make their lives better. The lives of the few that run it.  As for everyone else, it’s purpose is to provide us with just enough that we don’t revolt.  That’s right, it gives the people the absolute minimum that it takes to keep us pacified and never an inch more. The selfish bastards who run the show have no interest in us other than as instruments of cheap labor. All they really care about is themselves and their families.  We’re so hopelessly oppressed we’ve forgotten that we are oppressed. But we are, and we’ll never be free as long as we buy into their crap. All this consumerism, and nationalism, and religion, it’s all bullshit. All are modes of oppression. We are not free people, for  ”slavery is determined neither by obedience nor by hardness of labor but by the status of being a mere instrument, and the reduction of man to the state of a thing.”

I’m a human being, not a cog in your goddamn machine.

My life has value. My autonomy matters. I’ll never find what I need in a store.

I wish we lived in a world that self-regulated.

I wish we lived in a world that produced abundant free food by itself.

I wish we lived in a world where you can litter because everything biodegrades.

I wished we lived in a world of infinite beauty and mystery, and peace.

A world that cleans its own pollution, and where my body heals itself.

A world without factories or weapons of  war.

A world without chains.

Oh wait, we do.

Fall is in the air.  Isn’t it amazing how you can taste it?  I wonder why that is.

I used to think spring was my favorite season, but as this fall approaches I find myself feeling, well, it’s the feeling of going home after playing outside as a kid.  A warm cozy feeling of being at home.  Perhaps it’s because so many of my trips were in the fall.  It’s a calm, beautiful, peaceful season.  I’m looking forward to this fall.  I don’t really know why, but it just feels good.

Looking over my old blog, I realize that I used to write a lot.  I think it was pretty good writing too.  Then I started to wonder why I stopped.  I know that blog specifically fizzled out because I let some people on board who’s style I feel didn’t fit.  Then I couldn’t kick them off because they were my friends so I just stopped putting effort into it.  I kept it up in hopes of reviving it some day, but I’m not sure how to do that without including the same people.  Fuck it, maybe I’ll just dump em.  In the mean time though, I do have this blog in which I have full creative control, yet I’ve unfortunately failed to exercise that control.  That stops now, I’m gonna start writing again.  I really think the trick to it is to just do it.  And to be honest with your emotions.  I just posted two posts that I had written in the past year that I saved to drafts and never published.  I’m not sure why I never published them, they were decent enough.  I think somewhere along the way I lost my courage to put this stuff out there.  On the first blog I used an alias, that helped, perhaps I’ll revive that tradition here.  Perhaps not.  The name “Andrew” is still pretty anonymous even if it’s not an alias.  So I’m getting back into it.  It really doesn’t take that much courage to post some shit on a blog no one visits anyway.